News
5 January, 2025
Thoughts from a feather-hatted gardener
Lisa Plucknett 91 – not out, yet. November 2024
A scrub turkey just attacked me,
He thought I was a hen;
And now he knows how much he’s worth,
He keeps coming back again.
If a turkey’s worth a half a house,
Then how much for a snake?
You’d have to lock your home and car,
Its enough to make you quake.
I cannot tell a python,
It’s time for him to go;
He and all his reptile friends,
Are too much in the know.
And what about the bandicoots,
Who are really quite obscene;
They’ve dug until my land looks like,
A feral putting green.
I guess the “Greens” and PC folk,
Have moved into the act;
And I’m sure that l’d be vilified,
If I denigrated bats.
The bleeding hearts would tell me,
That God has put them there;
But still I’m feeling cranky,
My home they want to share.
I thought of putting up a moat
Around my castle walls;
But now I’m told that snakes can swim,
So that won’t do at all.
So- my cat’s no longer house bound,
She’s free to roam at will;
And if she stalks the turkey,
‘Twill give us all a thrill!
But don’t forget the turkey,
Can fly, -if fly he must;
And I just want him out of here,
Before my garden’s turn to dust.
And some say Cleopatra,
Got bitten by a snake;
But a boa in my bedroom,
Is not a risk I’ll take.
So – I’m off to Witta markets,
To sell my turkey cage;
If that turkey wants to mate with me,
I’ll just tell him – “Otherwise Engaged”.
And I’m starting a petition,
For a species unprotected;
As I’m feeling Homo Sapiens,
Is abandoned and neglected.
If someone wants to cage me,
Or put me in a home;
I’ll tell them all to “Rack Off”
And leave me free to roam.
